


Barren Fields

by Azar



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode Related, F/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-14
Updated: 2011-10-14
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azar/pseuds/Azar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder reflects on what Melissa Ephesian meant to him...and what she didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barren Fields

**Author's Note:**

> Written in February 1997. Inspired by the episode, "The Field Where I Died."

I feel that I have known you  
A thousand times before,  
Seen your eyes meet mine  
In a thousand faces,  
Called you by a thousand names.  
That once before--  
In this same field--  
We stood apart,  
Divided anew by life and death,  
But that time  
You were left alone to cry, not I.  
An endless cycle--  
Patterns repeating, like fractals--  
So different, yet ultimately the same.

Is this all we are?  
Dizzy echoes of the same pain  
Or the same joy?  
Those happy always happy,  
And I...  
Shall I die to live this tragedy again?  
Robbed of choice,  
Our lives become fragile toys in the hands of Fate  
And she is a cruel mistress.

Perhaps this is why I want to believe.  
If destiny has tied my hands  
Then all I do,  
All I am, is justified.  
There is no call to change,  
No need to fight the misery  
That has been my oldest friend.

In embracing you  
I found excuse to cling to solitude  
For if the only one that I could love was gone,  
Who would question me never looking for another?  
Is that what I saw  
In your eyes--  
The mortar for my wall of isolation,  
Built to guard me from a world I cannot trust?  
My curse and my salvation.

I stare now at the face  
That might have once been yours,  
Now torn by your own hands,  
And the face that might have once been mine.  
Shadows of who we were  
And are  
And may be...  
Or just empty wishes  
For what this life has stolen from us both.

The wind  
Whispering through the long grass  
Offers no answers.  
And I don't know if the emptiness I feel  
Is losing you again,  
Or knowing deep inside  
I never had you,  
Except in some fragile,  
Desperate dream we shared.


End file.
